Showtime
by HazeLavender
Summary: Jack wants to go to a movie and Riddick isn't too delighted. Craziness ensues. [Complete]


Title: Showtime  
  
Author: HazeLavender  
  
Rating: PG for language  
  
Category: Some silly humor.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own anything PB related  
  
Feedback: Any and all...flames allowed.  
  
Notes: Riddick decides to take Jack to live with him after she begs. Now it is two years later and Jack is 16...Riddick thought it would be easy, but it really isn't.  
  
***  
  
"Riddick, can we go? ... Pretty please."  
  
Riddick is staring at Jack as if she has grown two heads and those two heads have sprouted out with heads of their own. 'Just what I need...Jack multiplying.'  
  
"Absolutely not."  
  
"Please."  
  
"No."  
  
"I'll do the dishes for the next week ... month ... year!" Jack pleads.  
  
"You know you wouldn't."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I'll...um...I'll ...."  
  
Riddick isn't quite understanding this obsession Jack has about going to this particular movie. Jack making promises is always a dangerous thing in his book. The last time she had started "sacrificing" things, he had ended up in some backwards hick town listening to some band called The Sugar Pops. Just thinking about it caused little tremors to travel the length of his spine. He had promised himself then to never end up in that position again, but a 16 year-old girl can be very persuasive, especially when making with the wide eyes and pouty lips. You would have to be some kind of monster to say "no" to puppy-girl.   
  
Exclaiming proudly, Jack says the first thing that pops into her manipulative, little brain. "I'll leave the apartment a few hours each week." Then wriggling her eyebrows she waits for an answer.  
  
"I don't know what that means," Riddick says flatly.   
  
"That means, doofus, that you can have women over and get some without me popping in to get some water or whatever."  
  
Riddick knows perfectly well what the little brat means, but he doesn't want to admit that she might have found a loophole to his promise of never giving into her again. He really, really doesn't want to see this movie. There is nothing more horrible he can think of. He tries, and he fails. 'It'll be worse if I say no to her though. Am I actually afraid of some teenage girl? Hell yes.'  
  
"Fine we'll go," Riddick says defeated.   
  
Jacks proceeds to jump about the room, screaming about how "cool" this is going to be. Just as she is about to leave Riddick to contemplate his unfortunate decision and find out the times for the movie, she hears him speak.  
  
"And Jack. This is definitely not about the promise you made before -- all though do feel free to keep it."  
  
"Yeah. Whatever," she says loudly. "That is if you can actually get a woman to step inside your web," she whispers quietly to herself.  
  
"I heard that." But Jack is all ready gone. "Humph." Probably primping. Damn teenagers.  
  
***  
  
Riddick is staring at the 'I'm not antisocial, I just don't like you' poster on Jack's door and quietly fuming. 'What is taking her so long? Did she accidentally trip and break her leg?'  
  
Jack opens the door to her room and steps out.  
  
'Nope. No such luck.'  
  
"Ready to go, kid?" Riddick asks a bit too gruffly.   
  
"Let's see." Jack strikes a pose. "Kick-ass outfit? Check." She carefully slips a loose wisp of hair behind her ear. "Slammin' hairdo? Check." Staring directly at Riddick's goggles she says, "Someone intense enough to look good on my arm. Check. Let's make that a double check," she says with a wink.   
  
"You don't have to butter me up anymore, Jack. I'm all ready taking you the damn movie."  
  
"Right. Forgot that compliments actually hurt you."  
  
"No more like they'll hurt you."  
  
"Hmmm ... deflector all ready in place?" She pops her gum at him.  
  
Riddick sighs but decides to leave it at that.   
  
***  
  
Standing in line with a bunch of hyped up teens isn't exactly Riddick's idea of "fun times," but he is doing it in order to make Jack happy. And what is Jack doing? She's ogling some guy's ass and telling Riddick to not forget to buy popcorn. Riddick isn't quite sure when he became a slave.   
  
"Jack. Jack. JACK!"  
  
"What?"   
  
"Do you think you can stop visually molesting that guy long enough to get inside and get seats?" Riddick asks with a smirk.   
  
Slightly blushing Jack answers with, "I wasn't staring ... that much."  
  
Riddick raises his eyebrows at her.   
  
"I'll get the seats," Jack grumbles.   
  
***  
  
"It's taken." Jack looks up at a fat guy pointing to the seat on her right.  
  
"Taaakkkeeen," she spaces the word out as if talking to a slow child.  
  
"How 'bout the one on the left?" The guy burps and scratches that bulge he calls a stomach.   
  
Jack frowns. She thinks about this for a moment and decides lying is a good thing.  
  
"Um - yeah sorry, taken too." The guy stares at her and then moves on.   
  
Jack smiles to herself. 'Mission accomplished. A pat on the back for Jack.'  
  
***  
  
Being inside and situated in red, slightly uncomfortable seats definitely isn't making Riddick feel better. He knows once the movie starts he'll be screwed. Jack is happily munching at the super-sized container of popcorn that he had to buy because according to Jack "large" isn't gonna be enough for her. And here he was thinking that "large" would be enough for him, her, and fat guy sitting behind them. Silly him.   
  
The theater lights dim and Riddick takes off his goggles, carelessly throwing them in Jack's lap, or more accurately the tub of popcorn.  
  
"Hey. Watch it. I'll make you buy me another one."  
  
'Yeah, that's all I need. The popcorn girl forcing me to supersize everything again.'  
  
Riddick just gives Jack a "don't forget I'm evil" look, and goes back to watching the previews of numerous senseless films that he knows Jack will be itching to see in a couple of months. One of them being some plot-less junk about a reformed badass saving the world using high tech gadgets and a lame name -- 'X.'   
  
'This guy actually goes around introducing himself as a letter? What the fuck is that about?' Riddick can't help himself and asks Jack who the hell would want to see this crap. In return, he gets one of Jack's infamous smart-ass replies.  
  
"Girls wanna see it to stare at the guys sexy ass body and guys should see it to take notes."  
  
"Sorry I asked."  
  
***  
  
The movie is starting and Jack, of course, is elated while Riddick slowly sinks into a deeper sulk. That brooding feeling intensifies when he sees the title of the movie flash on the screen accompanied by dramatic "action" music: Total Eclipse.   
  
Because of all the controversial news coverage of a pack of survivors, including the murderer Richard B. Riddick, crash landing on a monster-filled planet some hotshot director decided making a movie based on what happened would be a dandy idea. Riddick doesn't think so. He knows the director is going to get everything wrong, he knows he'll change what really happened here and there in spite of interviewing Imam to get the real information. And that's the reason he doesn't want to see it. He knows why Jack wants to see it though. She wants to see how she's portrayed, but Riddick knows how he'll be portrayed, and he isn't entirely sure he can argue that he is a changed man when actually faced with his malevolent side on screen ... in surround sound.   
  
***  
  
Jack is oblivious to Riddick's internal battle. All she knows is that it's going to be mega uncomfortable to see some actress playing Carolyn dying on screen, but if she can handle it then she is sure Riddick can too.   
  
Jack's major problem is the skanky actress playing her. Some former singer who's wearing head make-up to make it looked shaved because she couldn't handle actually being bald. 'What a Barbie.' Jack would have preferred someone a bit more like her -- tough, independent, and stubborn, but she'll take what she can get...even if that is a physically altered nowhere near boyish looking twenty-something year old. 'That's show business for you.'  
  
Now the guy playing Riddick is an entirely different story. Now obviously not as hot as Riddick and definitely doesn't have that unique aura about him, but he does have some wicked muscles and a nice six-pack. Jack could definitely stare at that for two hours. 'Knowing Riddick, he'll probably complain about the guys shaving methods. Like he is the only one who knows how to shave his head.'  
  
***  
  
Characters onscreen and Jack sitting still, Riddick studies the guy playing him. 'Looks like he needs a shave. Did he miss a spot?!' Riddick looks distressingly over at Jack, but she seems engrossed in the movie. Okay. Can't ask her. Calm down. Riddick takes a breath. 'The guy isn't you so he doesn't need to look exactly like you.' He blames Jack for his vain obsessiveness. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be sitting in some theater wondering about the casting and auditions for his part. 'Wonder if I went in, would they have rejected me? He scratches his head. Knowing the intelligence of the director, they probably would have ... probably say I wasn't believable enough.'   
  
'What the hell is happening to me? When did I start to care so much about the future? Just stop thinking and watch the fucking movie,' he thinks. The action is getting pretty good.  
  
"Riddick" is talking to the survivors about the people that were there before them. "These people didn't leave."   
  
Jack leans over towards Riddick, bypassing the abnormally huge cup of soda, and whispers, "Do you see her?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Girl playing me."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Just making sure."  
  
Jack goes back to her own side.   
  
Riddick is kind of getting into the movie so he doesn't notice Jack staring at him ... at first. And then, "What is it now, kid?"  
  
"Needed to ask you if I actually looked that worried back on the planet. I mean I don't remember looking as if I swallowed LSD and then smoked some pot."  
  
Riddick sighs. "She's just acting, Jack."  
  
"Well, she better quit making me look like some spaced-out, psycho crybaby. She needs to take the emotions down a notch ... everything's 'OH MY GOD' for her."  
  
"Just watch the movie."  
  
Jack just can't help herself and leans once more towards Riddick. " The guy playing you is hot," she says matter of factly.   
  
Riddick tilts his head and promptly says, "No."  
  
Jack gives up. Nothing makes Richard 'Badass' Riddick happy. Plus the movie really is getting good.  
  
***  
  
"You mean tonight? With all those things still out there?" Actress starts hysterically crying. Actress doesn't stop crying.  
  
Jack is furious. "Now I know I never cried that much," she whispers angrily to Riddick.  
  
"No?" Riddick pretends to think about it seriously for a second. "I think you did."  
  
Jack glares at Riddick. "I. Did. Not. Cry."  
  
"Okay."   
  
"I said 'I didn't!'"  
  
"And I said 'okay.'"  
  
"Don't use passive-agressive behavior with me," she whispers angrily.   
  
"Okay." Riddick can't resist. "Just don't cry."  
  
"I... never mind!" she huffs. Under her breath she whispers, "God. Someone must have forgotten their blood and steroids this morning...."   
  
Riddick smiles to himself. He loves to get her all riled up. He pays for it sooner or later, but it is worth every second to see her eyes fire up and to try to guess what obscenity might leave her lips.   
  
***  
  
"Didn't know who he was fuckin' with," the actor exclaims with solemn emphasis.   
  
Jack takes advantage of the moment and points to the screen, slightly giggling.   
  
"What's so fuckin' funny?"  
  
"Oh. Nothing. It's just that well you never actually said that after killing the creature. You said something along the lines of 'Now I have all this blue shit over my hands and guts on my boots.'" Jack bites her bottom lip as if you contemplating whether to say this or not. "You were actually very...dainty." A loud explosion of laughter leaves Jack's body, causing other movie-goers to shush her and wonder what she could possibly find so funny during such an intense scene. "I mean I must admit Riddick. They made the guy playing you a little bit too cool." Jack takes a dramatic pause. "He's cooler than you."  
  
Riddick knows she is lashing out at him in her typical Jack way, but he can't get over her last comment. 'Cooler than me? I don't fucking think so.'  
  
"Jack, I could kick this guy's ass with a hand behind my back."  
  
"Sure, as long as he doesn't bleed on you." Jack tries to stifle a new burst of laughter threatening to escape from deep inside her. She can't. She leans forward, one hand grasping her stomach and the other holding on to the armrest. As she tries to gulp in air, she thinks of Riddick lecturing her on the importance of personal hygiene and antibacterial hand lotion for those harder to get out blood stains.   
  
Riddick is not as amused. However, he has to admit this movie is kind of "lost" in some places. One particular scene he doesn't understand is the one involving himself and Fry. In this scene, he cuts off a strand of her hair, sniffs it, and then blows it into the wind. He is simply baffled by this scene. He goes to a dangerous length to get that piece of hair just to throw it into the air? Doesn't make sense. 'Making me look all crazy. Sniffing people's hair...should have just stuck with the "sweet spot" and drinking blood stuff...the good stuff.'  
  
***  
  
The movie is nearing its end and for this Riddick is immensely happy. The Jack in the movie is starting to grate on his nerves, and he can just imagine how Jack feels about that wannabe actress. Plus Riddick's performance is horrible. 'I don't act like that...do I?'  
  
Jack is fidgeting in her seat and getting bored. She all ready knows how it is going to end because she has lived it and studying the actors is so over. They're up to the part where Carolyn is trying to drag Riddick's ass back to the skiff. 'Oops looks like she didn't make it.'  
  
Fry gets pulled up into the sky with a most horrific scream. 'She never screamed,' Riddick muses. He imperceptibly shrugs. 'Guess they needed to make it more "real."' Riddick sees himself being eaten by a huge monster on screen. 'Guess they needed to make it a lot more "real."' He knows that this is in continuity with Imam's story, that Riddick died somewhere on that planet so he isn't that surprised to see himself being attacked by the "night flyer." Even though he wishes they didn't make him go down like such a pussy. 'I practically tripped and fell into the creature's mouth.'  
  
Jack actually yawns. 'Blah. Blah. Blah.' She is idly thinking about getting this movie on disc just so she could torture Riddick with it anytime she wants. 'What I can't go to that party? Okay let's watch a movie!' She is pretty sure she can use it against him. Her thoughts move back to the movie as the credits start rolling.   
  
Starring:  
  
Craig Jebb.....Richard B. Riddick  
  
Karen Gean.....Carolyn Fry  
  
Luke Bale......William Johns  
  
Nhusse Zhet......Abul al-Walid a.k.a. Imam  
  
Melissa Folla.....Jack B. Badd.  
  
'Melissa Folla...gonna definitely hunt that bitch down,' Jack thinks.   
  
***  
  
This has definitely been a very interesting evening, but the night is starting to wane, and Riddick needs sleep if he wants to face Jack the next day. Living with a teenager is hard work, especially when Jack seems to be a very crazy one. 'Probably gonna want to buy this movie to use as a fear tactic.'  
  
"Okay showtime is over, Jack. Lets go home."  
  
"Um - okay. Just one more thing though."  
  
"What?" Riddick asks with apparent hesitation.  
  
"Buy me a Riddick action figure?" Jack looks up at him with embellished adoration. "Please?"  
  
'Action figure? Now that's more like it.'  
  
"You got it, kid." 


End file.
